Thursday, September 27, 2012


   So I've been trying to eat better, and part of that is reserving the weekend for a bit of junkfood. By the end of the week, whatever treat I have waiting is set up in my mind like the golden idol of Machu Pichu waiting for me to finish the weeks journey of vegetables and other "adult" foods I've been told you allegedly have to eat to stay alive and functioning. Last week's treat was a mini banana cream pie! Every time i opened the fridge it was like Shambahla...the mythical land *and* the Three Dog Night song...there next to the kale and brown rice. About mid-week I opened the fridge door and the pie popped right out at me and landed facedown on the floor! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I figure either I have a clown-ghost...or a malevolent poltergeist who haaates deliciousness. Luckily it was in a box, but now the pie was facedown in the box. It wasn't pretty. I decided the injury was dire enough for a a specialist in my belly....ahead of schedule.
    I opened the box, and most of the whipped cream peeled off the pie onto the lid like a bad toupee. Since this was my weekly treat, I wasn't about to let go of the whipped cream that stuck to the box lid. I am not particularly proud of the events that followed, but many years of bachelorette living have stripped me of the inhibitions that keep most from behaving like an extra in "Beyond Thunderdome" when eating....
I licked the lid. Yes I did. Just like a raccoon on trash day behind Dunkin' Donuts. A coworker once told me he dreamed I was a raccoon, so maybe that is my spirit animal. Actually, my spirit animal probably averted its eyes on this one. Still, that whipped cream was delicious, and worth the price of my dignity.
Now play me out Three Dog, play me out...

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Etching Bad

Just another Etchasketch doodle! Walter White is a FANTASTIC character, the actor really went all in with him and is really, really genius at nuanced, subtle personality cues...going from chemistry teacher to a homicidal despot  with just a few micro-expressions. He has this great, craggy face that was really fun to Etch.  I love this show, wish the next season was already on Netflix!!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Chillin' like a villain

I see this majestic specimen quite regularly around the lake at the Civic Center. Black elastic short-shorts, shirt off, white socks like two gossamer beacons astride Gibraltar...beacons of unabashed comfort. I think it must be awesome to reach a state in life where one cannot be bothered two squats what everyone else thinks. Sometimes it's too dang hot and ya gotta just shoot the breeze, y'know?  Socks 'n sandals aw yea.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Hot messsh...

Arriving at jury duty yesterday morning I saw something I hadn't seen since the 80's. A mesh top. Let me repeat...MESH TOP. There he was, dismounting a motorcycle in the jurors parking lot with nothing between me and his man-nipples but sheer nylon, majestically flapping in the breeze...

Mesh shirts are like Wonder Woman's invisible jet... we can *still see* the occupant. I am not sure what the purpose is here. Was an opaque shirt just too confining for him?

I wonder if it was vintage or if somewhere, someplace there still exists a small factory still churning these things out? The guy didn't actually have a mullet but I....I felt strongly that I should draw him with one. If you are gonna bring the thunder, you gotta bring the lightning along for the ride. SHA-ZAYUM!
I have constructed a handy chart that expresses my feelings on the return of this particular piece of fashion.

Saturday, September 8, 2012


I thought I was through with poo for the week after the bird incident, but it seems to be in the cards for me to be covered in crap at all times. Thursday night while getting ready for bed I noticed some black sludge creeping out of the drain into my bathtub. Oh God, it smelled like a Cheeto and a dirty diaper had mated, on a bed of toenail clippings.... in a microwave.  After not having any luck with Draino and a plunger that night..I went on a quest to the Ace Hardware and consulted the internet oracles the following day.. Many more hours of praying and hoping and plunging, pans of boiling hot water, and liquid plumr later...finally the hair clump bog dragon beast is slain. While hopefully not actual poo, whatever the heck it was that backed up into my tub has been defeated.... or has it? (says the end of every horror movie ever...)
Fun fact:
# of days this week spent covered in poo 3/5
# non-poo days: 2/5


I do not like those odds.  Is a poo-free week too much to ask? Most people who spend the better part of a week covered in excrement have kids, or an awesome pet with a good throwing arm like an orangutan to offset the downside of spending one's week covered in poo. If we meet in the cleaning supply aisle and I decline to shake hands, please don't be offended...I may be sparing you because I'm having a poo week.

Thursday, September 6, 2012


One of my fellow jurors told me she saw some geese in the lake yesterday with their heads underwater for an extraordinarily long time. I imagine this is what's going on....

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


There is a nice lake by the courthouse and today I thought I'd make the most of things by taking a nice lunch outside, and enjoy the fruits of nature. Nature loves a slow moving target, and so I got a surprising volume of "fruits" delivered by a tiny bird of indeterminate species. The only way jury duty could be made more enjoyable, is to spend it with liquid crap solidifying in your hair.

 I have composed this lineup, I will let you guess the guilty party. FYI, the suspect had blackberries for lunch. Ask me how I know....go on....ask.